Not All Is Lost

It’s been a busy few weeks over here at the Applied Chaos Dynamics Control Association, and I’m just finding time to sit down at this Starbucks and write for the first time in a while.  I really wish the barista would be my friend, she’s the coolest person I know, but never talks to me.  I wonder if she knows who I am.

Anyway, at this unprecedented juncture in conspiracy history, I’m pleased to find that many of our fears in the Reptilian Illuminati about the instability of our plans have proven unfounded, and I’m moreover pleased to report both that Mr. Pence has been brought under our influence, and that Mr. Trump continues to be extraordinarily easy to manipulate through posthypnotic suggestion in the mass media.

For example, we’ve been moving ahead with some of our plans to manipulate Mr. Trump’s psyche in various ways, and our pursuit of Chaos has already begun an Iranian divestment of dollar holdings, which may inspire the rest of OPEC, according to plan.

We’re finding that, as in the recent past, many of our scripts for the unfolding of events in the mass media can be still be used, despite unexpected political developments.  After the Neocons stole the 2000 election, we were able, in 2004, to hedge our bets by insuring that both presidential candidates were members of the Skull and Bones, initiated together; and when Mr. Obama was elected president, we were able to recycle the foreign birth controversy we had intended to deploy against Mr. McCain.  Mr. Trump’s larger-than-life persona had us worried for a moment, but media consolidation has had the beneficial side-effect of reducing the number of people we need to influence directly in order to push our posthypnotic suggestion into the furthest reaches of the country.  Such is the value of good planning — and why we keep telling people they want markets instead.

Soon such elaborate measures will be unnecessary, with all the sugar in processed foods continually activating infantile neural circuits in Americans, reinforced by the eager anticipation of Disney movies among adults now.  The deplorable state of our DNA can even be used to our advantage, as radioactive fallout from decades of atmospheric nuclear testing have created an epidemic of autism that mitigates the need to exert control over vast swaths of the population.  Once driver-less cars become commonplace, we will have entirely subverted the distinctly American symbolism of the car as the extension of individual will, initiative, and freedom, instead turning everybody into passengers taken places rather than drivers going places, taken about like the big babies they are.  By the time our plan is complete, nobody will even have the means to think about what has happened anymore.

Of course, there is always the “nuclear option” of deploying an enhanced influenza to help maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature — in which case our current collaboration with the Neocon New World Order Conspiracy may prove fortuitous in additional ways — though we’re hoping this upcoming global spasm of violence will leave everybody cowed into submission once we’re done laying the groundwork for complete control.  Between Anonymous and Kek, we beget the light, but darkness too is of our nature.  May you live in interesting times!


Happy New Year

As the Sun emerges from the Sign of Ophiuchus, having passed from Libra, and now into Capricorn, let us take pause to give thanks this Solstice Day for all that we in the Reptilian Illuminati New World Order Conspiracy have been able to salvage of our plans, despite the resurgent ascendancy of the Neocon New World Order Conspiracy this past November.

Our ancient traditions affirm the wisdom and foresight of our elders, who implemented the 28-day, 13-month calendar that governs our rituals and celebrations, long before the precession of the Equinox moved Ophiuchus into the ecliptic.  Precession was a central element to the Mithraic Mysteries, and our enemies who regard our exoteric 364-day calendar without the annual Winter Solstice New Year Leap Day to align the demands of rational social control with the agricultural calendar take regard of the incorrect signs in the Heavens, despite access to online Gregorian-Discordian conversion tables.

As the Trump team transitions from campaign to executive administration, the control we of late attained over the campaign through post-hypnotic suggestion in the mass media has naturally diminished.  At the same time, our charter from the Knights of Malta has provided us here at the Applied Chaos Dynamics Control Association with unprecedented influence over staffing decisions in the Trump transition team.  Operatives from the Jesuits and Catholics figure currently prominently in the transition team, and, given all indications from above, we are beginning to prepare for the possibility of a Trump impeachment from the Tea Party House, and an increased need for more precise control over the subconscious impulses of Mike Pence within the next eight years.

We’re currently evaluating a few impeachment options for Mr. Trump, ranging from a decision to make drone war with China without Congressional declaration (staged to avoid the public discomfort of sending troops into battle, in violation of Article I of the US Constitution), to more worldly political considerations.  For example, if our existing control over Donald Trump’s psyche can be properly leveraged, we may be able to engineer a situation in which he royally offends the Saudis, who then lead an initiative among OPEC nations to cease the Nixon-era practice of pricing oil exclusively in dollars (subsequent to Nixon ending the the gold standard).

OPEC opting to price oil in Euros, as part of an anti-Brexit confidence bid to back European unity, would effectively undermine American dollar hegemony, as well as the dollar’s global reserve currency status, tanking the US economy overnight, while ingratiating our Conspiracy to our allies in Vatican City, who have been under pressure from Deuchebank to comply with international money laundering regulations there since late 2013.  As impeachment must originate in the House, our control over the primitive impulses of the Tea Party faction should be adequate to initiate impeachment proceedings without too much difficulty.

Just to reiterate: our charter from the Knights of Malta does not allow us to directly compete with the CIA in terms of sowing chaos and disorder; our task is primarily to aestheticize civilization’s collapse.  That said, all options are on the table.  Life sometimes imitates art, first as tragedy, then as farce, as it were.  We control legions of Kek worshipers.  We never forgive.  We never forget.  Happy New Year Solstice Day.



Happy Holidays

Greetings to our friends, and may Chaos Herself pursue our enemies off the edge of the earth. It’s been almost a week since I’ve been able to post, though between my holiday travels and my regimen of blood transfusions from the young people we’ve enslaved with debt, I’m feeling quite good at the moment.

I was out of town this past week to celebrate the American Genocide holiday, and for the occasion made my first trip back to my home town in over a decade. I couldn’t believe how things had changed.

A dear friend of mine from childhood had suddenly fallen ill — nothing serious, as it turns out now, by the grace of our god — and I found myself traveling for the holiday unexpectedly, to ensure the perfect continuity of our Grand Old Program.

We were racing to view the glowing rectangle in time for the afternoon kickoff as we approached the Suburban genetic wasteland, pinks filling class warfare complex zones increasingly devouring the environment as the naked trees screamed against the overcast autumn sky. As the Cube-dweller terrain yielded to the rotting urban core, from the ashes of fertile fields incrementally redeveloped condominium warehouses with diesel fuel generators arose to help the secular elite survive martial law in comfort.  Suckers!  Bougie yoga moms and juiced-up Ken dolls rolling off some assembly line everywhere spent myriad dollars, pumping the McPalace Cubes full of fresh millennial blood for the vampire class. What glory!

The football game, however, was a real disappointment for me, my family, and the entire Reptilian Illuminati New World Order Conspiracy. Since our science of control involves spacio-temporally allegorizing the NFL, the esoteric implications of the Redskins competing against the Cowboys at this juncture in conspiracy history cannot be denied, especially where it concerns the fascist undercurrents of the ascendant Neocon New World Order Conspiracy, and the influence of the Westward Expansion on the Nazi doctrine of Lebensraum. To add to the disappointment, The Family and our Conspiracy were unable to enact our Holiday custom of sending polio blankets to India and lighting babies on fire, though I’ve found some comfort in my recent purchase of a new Lexus for myself to celebrate the birth of our Savior Santa Klaus.  Giving and sharing are un-American, weak, sentimental foolishness.

Anyway, I found myself rooting for the enemy of my enemy, which turns out to be me, so by the power ABRAXAS who governs this sphere, may this be the most hilarious apocalypse since the campaign of our new ruler!  Shadilay!

Holding on to Control

Like everyone else — even those with buyer’s remorse — I’m doing what I can to cope with the ascendant Neocon New World Order Conspiracy.  It’s hard, since we here in the Reptilian Illuminati New World Order Conspiracy have been plotting for centuries to take control of the planet, and, like everyone else, we’re not sure what’s next.  The rules of the game have changed.

As we survey the new lay of the land and assess our options, we’re looking for ways to work across the aisle, as it were, to build solidarity, and to find ways to align our goals with those of our new rulers.

Last night I was at the pub with some co-conspirators, and one of my companions made note of an old piano in the corner.  One of us went over to it to take a closer look, and remarked that it was likely an antique.  I was uncertain myself, but we decided to stage an experiment to test the age of the instrument.  The keys were badly damaged and chipped in several places, and I broke off a tiny sliver.  We decided to hold it against the candle on the table to see how it burned, as a way to determine whether it was genuine ivory or plastic.  If it caught fire we could be sure it was made from petrochemicals; were it to smell like burning Jews, we could be sure it was made from ivory.

Sure enough, the piano was a genuine antique, which prompted some thinking on my part about what we might have to offer the Neocons.

And sure enough, it occurred to me that the Neocons and their apocalyptic goals may be aided by our lobbying efforts among the ultra-orthodox in Israel to obtain kosher certification for the CRISPR-Cas9 gene editing technology.  Our operatives in Texas have been having great difficulty breeding the flawless red heifer required to reinstate the Cohanim and rebuild the Temple on the site of the Al Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem.  With any luck, kosher certification for CRISPR-Cas9 might allow us to fast track this process, which may be of interest to the Neocons.

Anyway, it’s just a preliminary thought.  We don’t have any conspiracy in place yet, but, as the saying goes, with disaster comes opportunity.  We need to think creatively about our prospects for the future control of the planet, and this may be just such an opportunity for us to stay in the loop.

But, of course, we’ll just have to see what the future holds now.

Welcome to Day Three of the New World Order

Despite my hangover, I could discern from the peculiarly stunning cloud cover in the morning light and copious chemtrails throughout the day that something very unusual had happened.  A new day had dawned with Tuesday’s elections.

It’s hard to say what exactly it means for the Reptilian New World Order Conspiracy if the Neocon New World Order Conspiracy will be taking the reigns of this shit show now.  We’ll need to adjust, change course, and perhaps take more of an adversarial approach to their role in shaping world events.  At least we don’t need to worry about Trump nuking his buddy Putin.

And I suppose it’s not beyond the realm of possibility to hope that chance may even grant us aspects of our agenda under these changed circumstances.  For example, given the characters who make up the Republican party, their deference to regimentation and uniformity, and the devil-worshiping homosexual pedophilia they practice, we may not be fully deluding ourselves to hope our calendar may yet be reformed and rebuilt around an auspicious 13 months, each divided into a uniform 28 days, implemented in combination with mind-controlled breeding habits optimized to start out-breeding the Chinese.

As long as we are in control of the DNA, we’ll always have hope.





Well At Least There Aren’t White Nationalist Thugs Marching Down the Street With Assault Rifles

Well, America has decided.  This is why Alexander Hamilton hated democracy.  Our new ruler is a fascist loon, but at least there aren’t white nationalist thugs marching in the street with assault rifles contesting the results of the most hilarious election in history.

I’ve been under the impression for some time that the most effective means to enact social change in the current political climate is to dispense with electoral politics, take a cue from the Hapsburgs, and start arranging strategic marriages between the Bush and Clinton clans.  I mean, it worked in Europe for 500 years.  Wake up, America!

I’m at the cafe before going to work, and I have to say, at this point, I’ll just resort to Mr. Obama’s plan to hope, and maybe, Allah willing, the FBI takes Trump out like they took out Dr. Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, John F. Kennedy, and Robert F. Kennedy, in order to preserve the trajectory of the Reptilian Illuminati New World Order conspiracy.  This never would have happened if the DNC hadn’t screwed Bernie Sanders.

The next step in the Applied Chaos Dynamics Control Association’s plan will be unveiled shortly, stay tuned!